Archive for the Uncategorized Category

weak

Posted in Uncategorized on October 21, 2009 by staticity

Do you ever feel just off? Not sick- just kind of blank, but not in the nice regular day to day, four o clock way.  Like you’ve run out of thoughts. Is that possible? Thought out. Completely. Nothing left but stupidity, but not even stupidity… just blank white. I hate white, nothing that bare can be that good.

Yup, it’s gone. Whoops- thought I had it, guess I missed it god damn it. I tried to get a thought in earlier, but it just wasn’t happening. Force field of skin block.    Not to say that you can’t feel things when you’re this blank. The feelings are there, but the mind is empty. So if the feelings are there, maybe that means feelings are disconnected from  your brain. So where do you feel it? My back. I feel it in my spine.  That’s probably why they give you shots in your spine, because it goes straight to your feelings and numbs them out. I don’t want that.

I think it’s definitely possible to over load on your imagination. I think most people over load when they’re a kid and then it slowly disappears over time. Then you’ve only got it on reserve- for when you ‘really need it.’  But need is a funny word, and you’ll end up perserving it forever if it’s only for emergencies.  Funny indeed. Yup- funny like a paper spine.

Finito

Posted in Uncategorized on August 29, 2009 by staticity

There once was a boy named Finito who lived in the grayest and coldest of cities. He lived in a palace of walls built from cardboard and wooden boxes. Each room had four sides and each side had another box until there were four boxes, one on top of the other. He hadn’t always lived in the boxes, he used to live out on the street with the rats, but he hated the rats.
They were mean, nasty, ferrol creatures with yellow teeth and smelly fur.  They stole to live and grew tough to survive, rats were no good to talk to. They stayed in packs which were more like swarms of furry diseases all piled together in dingy places underground. When it rained or at night when no one could see them, they would dash out into the street to loot what they could out of life only to bring it back to the hideaway which they lived in.

Finito liked mice. They were quiet, minded their own business, and generally didn’t cause any problems. People gave them a bad rep, but he knew they were alright. The mice buried themselves into simple living. Cracks in buildings, closet space in some unfortunate woman’s kitchen, and inside ventilation systems. Mice were crafty and could always stay dry, this is what first allured Finito to live with the mice.  They led him to the cardboard boxes in back of a supply store and he saw the sign immediately. Vacancy.

The living wasn’t nice, but it wasn’t bad. He liked the sturdiness of the boxes, somehow the four walls with their straight lines and their definite corners comforted him. Four equal squares. One line connected to the other and then to the other and then to the other. A square of boundaries so one could not easily waft away. Eventually he replaced the cardboard with wood and would stay inside the squares for most of the day. It was safe in there and if he wasn’t seen, he could block out the noise from the city.

One day, Finito was outside of his box collecting food when a man of circular proportion strolled up to him. Everything about this man was round. His belly was as fat as the moon, his eyes bulged with two, round, circles underneath, his hair was in round, thick, tufts that rolled off his circular face.  He had a giant half-circle grin which gleamed and stayed from ear to ear as he talked.

“Have we met before?” His eyebrows jumped off his face.
“Uh…” Finito’s body was young and angular. His spine stuck out of his back like an awkward clothes hanger and his legs and arms were bony and pointed.  “No, I don’t think so.”
The man wore a bright pink polo shirt with an alligator print sewed on the front. His shoes were expensive leather and stuck inside his grin was a fat, round, cigar that he puffed frequently.
“You look tired,” he observed.
Finito looked around, not knowing what to say. Conversation wasn’t his strong point.
“You poor thing,” the man said, sticking his head down against the boys, forcing him to see his eyes. The intrusive staring made Finito’s face burn against the cold and he squirmed, wanting to be left alone. “I’ll call you Alfred.”
“Excuse me?” Finito looked up at the man.
“Alfred’s my name too,” the man put his arm around Finito and led him down a different street. “I grew up a few streets from here myself, but I didn’t stay here. Oh no- the world had different plans for me and I think the world has different plans for you too.”
“What sort of plans?”
“The kind of plans that one takes to be wonderful. I live in a big house and have plenty of income, you can stay with me while we find you a nice job so you don’t have to stay out here in the street.”
“I don’t actually stay on the street…”
But Alfred wasn’t listening, he was directing the boy to his giant house several streets down. The house was one large circle. At first, Finito couldn’t believe such a thing was possible, the insulation would have to be terrible and the supports must not have been as good. Alfred opened the door to the house and instantly they were entrapped in a maze of small hallways that led off into different semi circular rooms.
“Neat, huh?”
Finito didn’t say anything, he felt oddly uncomfortable in this house. Alfred thrust himself into a large lounge chair and sighed loudly. “Gosh, I’m so tired, I’ve been working very hard today.”
Finito didn’t know what this man did, but clearly it must have been greatly important if he was able to afford such an odd yet distinguished home.  “I can’t possibly make dinner tonight, yet I have all the ingredients in the kitchen.”
Finito stared at the man, the man stared back. “Would you like me to make you dinner?” Finito finally asked.
“Oh yes! What a wonderful offer! You may have some too,” the man smiled proudly as he leaned further back into the chair.
Finito found the kitchen finally after bumping into several identical rooms with fancy furniture. The kitchen was bland, no art and no color and looked like it had hardly been touched. The closet however, was stacked to the gills with every kind of food imaginable. Finito could feel a strange pressure building inside his chest up to his throat and then branching into his smile. He was going to cook everything he could possibly imagine.
Dumpling soup. Organic salads. Spiced Chicken. A cake for desert. This was going to be a feast of all feasts.

The fat man appeared in the doorway after an hour to ask why it was taking so long. His sour expression quickly changed when he saw all the food prepared at the table. “Aha! You have found my food!”
At first, Finito thought the man would be angry at his extravagant use of his food. He averted his eyes from the ever pressing eyes of the man at the other end of the kitchen.  The man touched the solid jaw line of Finito’s face and stared at him again until the warmth curled back into Finito’s face.
“You poor boy, this is wonderful.”
Finito moved away quickly and started to eat part of the chicken. “No, no, we must eat in the dining room.” The man ushered him away from the kitchen.

So it went, every morning the fat man would get up and dress in flamboyant colors and go off to work. Finito did not know how to get a job or why he was there, but he stayed in the round house day after day.  As the week wore on, the cooking became his responsibility. On Friday nights several other fat men with round faces and cigars would sit in one of the rooms and roar with laughter and drinks.
Alfred would call for Finito to come in and serve drinks. Finito did obediently.
“Alfred! This is my son Alfred!” The man would say to the other fat people. Finito did not know why he would say this, but he never objected and soon it was as if he were his son. The other men would laugh uproariously at the jokes Alfred made and they would all compliment Finito heavily on his manners or dress.
The next week, Alfred bought Finito several pairs of expensive clothing to wear for these dinner occasions. The next Friday he would be seen as the miniature Alfred.

This went on for months until one day Finito did not want to pretend to be Alfred’s son any longer. “Alfred, how do I get a job?”
Alfred looked startled and hurt. He peered affectionately into Finito’s eyes again and the hot flash of shame brushed through Finito’s skin again. “You don’t like it here?”
“I want to get a job now. I don’t like staying here all day just to cook and entertain people you know.”
“You won’t be able to get a job. I didn’t want to tell you earlier because it’s just so sad- but you will never find work. You just aren’t smart enough to make it out there on your own. I figured if you could never have what I have, I could at least provide it for you.” Alfred’s large smile was still plastered on his face, but his eyes looked sympathetic and yet burning.

During the night, Finito left the round house to make his own future. He hated the fat man and his fancy clothing and his fake care.  Finito crept out of the kitchen window and hurried outside. He would find some place better and make sure Alfred knew about it.

So a few days later he applied for several jobs. He learned to laugh like the friends of Alfred and joke the way Alfred did. He wore his expensive clothes and smiled brightly even if he felt scared or even angry. He pleased people and complimented people and would do whatever he could to get people to like him. And they did! Much to Finito’s surprise and delight, he was offered a job in a hotel made of solid gold located right in the center of the city. He was to be the assistant to the manager. The manager of the hotel was another round man who was impressed with Finito’s modesty, innocence, and charm.

The manager would invite Finito to drink with him at night. They would sit at the top of the hotel and look out over the city while they sipped at their cocktails.
“Look how beautiful this place is.” The manager swept his hand over the city, it was all his.
“Yes.” Finito covered his mouth with the glass.

The next day, Alfred checked into the hotel for a meeting on the top floor. Finito stood in the doorway and smiled proudly.
Alfred did not recognize him so Finito didn’t say anything. His anger fumed inside his chest and while they rode the elevator to the top, Finito cursed him over and over again in his mind. Damn bubble. Filled with air. Doesn’t remember a thing.

By the end of the day, Finito longed to tell someone. The manager had dismissed him and was bored with conversation that wasn’t about him or the hotel. When Finito tried to tell him about Alfred, the manager only glazed over as if turning into a zombie. Finito quit that night and decided to go back to the boxes.

Lines and squares weren’t forgiving, they were statutes.  He thought of the mice, at least they wouldn’t say anything.
A month later when Finito was feeling more solid, he realized it wasn’t a problem to go out and mingle around with people in the city. It was easier to find food while living quietly and comfortably in his square life.   On one of his walks around the city, he bumped into Alfred standing at a nearby street. Finito watched with detached amusement.

“Do I know you?” The fat man walked up to Finito and squinted at him with sympathetic eyes.
Finito frowned instantly and waved his arms in front of him as if to dismiss this image from his very sight.
“No- I am Finito!”

Second Street

Posted in Uncategorized on August 1, 2009 by staticity

It’s ten a.m. exactly and I’m on the air mattress with dirty hair and a giant body (?) pillow that says Maryland Terapins on the front. From this angle I can see the yellow stucco building next to mine perfectly. I wonder if they scan see me from the window up there… Mom said to ‘make sure and pull your blinds, this isn’t….’ but she doesn’t have to say the rest. I get it.

IMG_1012
I had a dream last night that I woke up and decided to go downtown to have breakfast and a memosa. I woke up this morning and thought- that is entirely a possibility.

This is pretty nice, I must say. I feel like I’ve something from everything up until this point.  312. Basement. Philly. Mom’s. Dad’s. Nigeria. Tapestries have come from the basement parties eight years ago. The Maryland Terapins body pillow is Phil’s which I stole out of the living room so I can feel like I actually am sleeping with someone.  I’m listening to that song my partner in crime reintroduced me to ‘Deception’-Blackalicious.  The pink milk crates my Mom and I actually had to put together came new. I’ve got the little African table that was from Nigeria.  The blanket Dad gave me when I left for my first apartment. The jewlery box from my Grandmother.  My uncle’s pottery from before he stopped up short. And…I’ve got the wooden cat.

Beastie Boy: fight for right to live

Posted in Uncategorized on July 21, 2009 by staticity

Adam from the Beastie boys has cancer.

Morris vs. Shifflett

Posted in Uncategorized on July 8, 2009 by staticity

Alvin Lee Morris (who looks suspiciously like the guy who delivers my wood) has been convicted of murdering Robert Shifflett.  Supposedly there was a love triangle (as usual) between Mrs. Shifflett and Mr. Morris. It is suspected that Mr. Morris killed her husband (Robert Shifflett) to be with her. Mrs. Shifflett eventually married Alvin “butcher” Morris and will be sitting with him to show her support while he is in court.

butcher

Savage Sex

Posted in Uncategorized on June 1, 2009 by staticity

I’m listening to the Savage Love podcast (sex topic advice column including fetishes) and a caller called in to talk about in seventh grade he had a relationship with a neighbor girl and they had sex. That wasn’t weird. The girl’s family had this strong reputation for sexual abuse, so when the girl asked this guy (the caller) to slap her around and humiliate her and throw her out of the house naked, he said he wouldn’t do it because he thought it would be bad news to try and have rough sex after sexual trauma. Dan Savage brought up that the girl might have these fantasies to feel more in control (even if the fantasies weren’t ones where she was in control.) and that it might have been a way to heal herself from what happened. What do you think?

( it’s episode 27 in the link above)

For Myself

Posted in Uncategorized on May 31, 2009 by staticity

I haven’t written here in a long time, probably because I have nothing important to say. I haven’t written any literary masterpiece or article or anything even worth editing.   I am writing in here today for myself in hopes I can turn things around again for the better.

Okay, you need a plan to get you through this week. It’s depressing. You want dope, but you’ve gotten off that for 9 months so don’t keep fucking up now with this couple times a week shit. It’s not worth it. I feel incredibly guilty afterward (as I should) So what if I’m nervous or if I’ve had a crummy past or if I just want my life to be great ALL THE TIME. it’s not reality.

Today is Sunday.  Praise Jesus! Today I don’t have to feel guilty for not doing yoga. Today I can lay in bed and listen to Savage Love and eat cereal. Today I will do laundry, play cards, and relax. I need to CALL MICHAEL about getting tickets to the play Hysteria.  Maybe hang out with Antonio. I need to drink a lot of  cranberry juice. I have a feeling eating healthy and drinking healthy will help me on my placement test on Tuesday.

Monday I will take the subway up to center city and time it. That way I will know exactly how long it will take to get to CCP from my house. I will browse barnes and noble, maybe look for some clothes.  I need to email Dad a birthday card. Of course I’ll need to drink cranberry juice and eat fruit.

Tuesday at twelve thirty I go to CCP for my placement test.  Also go to the meeting at 9th and Federal across from Pats and Genos. It’s at six thirty.

Wednesday is health day. Physically,  I will food shop, do yoga, take a walk.  Mentally I will read, listening to This American Life, read the NYT.  Play Chess, hang out with Beth.

Thursday evening I will go to 22nd and Market and talk to the Library people. Get the forms to fill out so I can work there, and get a feel for the place.

That’s all you need to think about until Thursday when you can plan other things out. Just don’t worry about anything else. You need a theme song for this week to take your mind off the job and school…………Stayin Alive. Bee Gees.

A Thursday

Posted in Uncategorized on January 14, 2009 by staticity
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A Thursday

And so he walked on with his head held high up to the shop around the corner. Destiny. A local shop with wine, cookies, and gas for sale. The shop where he worked from nine in the evening to five in the morning. It was night time, the streets were heavy with traffic and the ladies were heavy with makeup. They were all going fast and he wondered where they could go so fast, but he didn’t ask because they wouldn’t stop.

The shop wasn’t crowded and rarely did they have much business between the hours of one and four. The drunks went home at two thirty and the early birds were the only ones making it into the store for coffee at five. Before the early jobs. Before the bustle of more traffic. These were the quiet hours of life when the crickets were done for the rest of the day.

He slid into the shop, saying hi to the two people who were still working. One would be let out just as soon as he got there, but Frank would still be there. Working quietly in the back, stocking something unnecessary for the need of customers. They would say hello, ask him how his day went, and as always he would say it was okay. Just fine. Nothing great, nothing horrendous.
“No news is good news!” Frank would congratulate him on his welfare.

Frank talked about his girlfriend in the next county. “Next week, she says she’s coming next week.”
“Oh yeah?” He’d say, listening quietly to the hum of the electric lights.
“Yup. Next week she’s moving into the city. The big city. My girl will finally be home.”

Customers would come in occasionally, always bumbling from somewhere unexpected. They never expected to show up at such a place at such a time. Who would be here at such a time? Why would they need anything? They always sounded as if their real lives had gone somewhere else and abandonned them at this particular store. He’d give them their cigarettes and maybe their cheap magazine to go and ring them up with ease. Sometimes he wondered what they were thinking and where their brain was when it left them, but he never asked. He never said anything but thank you and come again.

At four a.m. the weirdos showed up. They were unsettled with life. Angry and shouting. Drugged and wired. Steamed and tired. The ones with beards and uncombed hair stricken by insomnia would stand around admiring the shop like a jewelery case. They would mumble to themselves and point at the gum or candy that they needed to have at that very instant of four a.m. Why didn’t he have Orbit gum? Didn’t he know that people NEEDED that gum!? So what if it was late! They needed something to chew on. Something other than their life to shoot the shit with. This would do! If only he had the gum than they could survive. But where was the gum? He would get it for them and charge them the regular price until they whined or returned the merchandise to a different place. Then he’d have to get the piece of gum and return it back to it’s rightful place behind the never-bought bananas for seventy five cents a bundle.
The four a.m. crowd was haggard and displaced. Their minds had never returned for them and unlike the one a.m. crowd, there was no hope of return for them.

At five a.m. he would tell Frank he was going home. Frank never left. Eventually he had to leave, but no one knew exactly where he went because he was always back at the store with in six hours.

So He’d go back to his house, the dawn would start to rise and the traffic would start to blur together. The early commuters were just waking and the cars would start to move more and more between the stop lights and I95. The women were tired and drained and their perfume stank through the streets back to his apartment.

Tomorrow is another day. The man thought, sitting down at his bed in the apartment above another corner store. He wondered if he’d find any of those nice looking 9 p.m. girls in the store that he worked at. How he wished he had a girl like Frank’s. Frank said his girl always wore nice smelling perfume and little skirts that past the knee all the way up to the thigh. It was never tacky, said Frank. It was always just right.

9 p.m. happened again and again. He went back to the shop where Frank was working, but still nothing had changed.
“One more week,” Frank said, unfolding the box of refrigerated goods. “She can’t make it this Friday, but she’ll get here in another week.”
“No news is good news.” He said weakly.
Another week, he thought. One more Friday.

strawberry fields

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on January 5, 2009 by staticity

Tonight I hung out with an old friend of mine. Lexx and I used to date about five years back. I think I expected that we might hit a bar or go over to Jesse’s house, but we actually ended up at another old friend, Tina C. house. It was amazing…there wasn’t any booze or anything  and it was almost like being drunk anyway. We watched a dance competition on tv and sat around making snide comments about the chinese judge and the american dancers.

Midway through, I went out for a cigarette and a guy I used to know, told me he missed hanging out and that I was so entertaining back then. He reminisced about driving me and a few other people in the ‘jet van’ etc.  The weird part is, I barely remember the things I did back then and I keep catching glimpses from other people’s memory. Riding in backseats of cars. Dancing downtown. Cab rides to nowhere.  Sometimes I want it back, I feel like everything was more exciting back then, and it was… but if I barely remember it… what good was it? I told the guy I wasn’t very entertaining now, I like to read most days away. We talked about books… everyone is grown up. It’s a city of faint memories from route 29 to I95.

So I get home now, at eleven thirty, before midnight, and claim my seat next to the fire and get out my book. The beatles are still playing on the stereo downstairs.  Rocky Raccoon. And Niccolo is fresh on the brain.

city slick

Posted in Uncategorized on December 3, 2008 by staticity

I found this article in the New York Times this morning and thought to myself, bus drivers/cab drivers/ city transit must have to know an awful lot about sociology to get by on their adventures.

“Bus drivers could be forgiven if they are confused by New York City Transit’s policy on how to deal with fare-beaters, which tells them on one page to act like Mohandas K. Gandhi and on another page says that they can deny access to the bus to riders who are “trying to put one over on” them.

“We’ve stopped using the word ‘challenge’ to describe what a bus operator needs to do to thwart fare evasion,” drivers are told in the transit agency’s Bus Operator’s Guide to Customer Service [pdf]. “‘Challenge’ implies confrontation, which too often leads to hostile verbal exchanges and even physical assaults.”

The subject of bus-fare evasion has been discussed intensely among drivers following the fatal stabbing of a driver, Edwin Thomas, by a passenger who did not pay the fare, sat down anyway, and later demanded a transfer ticket. On Tuesday, a 20-year-old man was charged with murder.

The guide for bus operators states:

We don’t want you to be injured, or your other customers forced to witness a violent exchange, just for a fare. Instead, the strategy is to let the offending customer know that he or she hasn’t put one over on you. It’s also to let the other decent, fare-paying customers know that you’re not tolerating exceptions. Since they all had to pay, this one offender should not be excused from being asked to pay.

The guide continues with what it calls “some random thoughts”:

The key to your reaction to fare evasion is your tone. In the tradition of Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr., you need to put up some passive resistance. In words spoken evenly and not in a threatening or sarcastic manner, you may say something like, ‘Excuse me, sir. The fare is (GIVE AMOUNT).’ You’ll notice that there is no accusatory ‘You’ or direct command used here.

It adds: “Never just take your bus out of service or argue with the person.”

In a separate section on transfers, however, the guide is vague and appears to contradict the earlier instructions.

It says that paper transfers are only supposed to be given at the time a rider pays a fare. But it says that sometimes riders wait until later to ask for the transfer. In those cases, the guide says, “a bus operator’s judgment is essential when determining whether a customer asking for a transfer in the middle of a trip is asking with the intention of ripping off the system or instead merely forgot to request a transfer while boarding.” It says that riders who make an honest mistake should get transfers but it does not say what drivers should do if they believe a rider is scamming them.”

in order

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on November 24, 2008 by staticity

The room was humid and damp with the fresh afternoon scent of hoagies and mashed out cigarettes. I was sitting on the mattress, trying to fluff up the blanket so it looked somewhat made up. No energy in the city sun. Roommates were flopped on the blue velvet sofas waiting for the inevitable jingle of the ice cream man. No more spare change.

I was trying to be quiet, so I wouldn’t have to face my roommates with cold sweats and groggy irritation.  Niccolo popped a cd into the dvd player anyway. It was venezuelan and humming with background insturments and a chorus that seemed to progress louder and louder until we couldn’t ignore it anymore. What was this?

We must have been thinking the same thing because at exactly the same moment we started singing. Quietly to ourselves at first – but then we started in louder. As loud as the music. As loud as we could. We were actually singing and didn’t even care that the rest of the house and maybe the house next door could hear us.

‘Mama I ain’t well.’  Track 4.

I want to go back, but not there. I just want the ice cream truck and the public fountains and my Niccolo.
Today is a very neat day. Everything is in order. Dishes are put away, table tops are dusted and squirted with lemon, sheets are washed.  I need some ice cream and a celebration.

destiny?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on November 15, 2008 by staticity
hmmm

hmmm

Tennessee

Posted in Uncategorized on September 7, 2008 by staticity

Tennesse is home of rolling hills. Gigantic, green, flowering meadows.  The rural flatness of fields and dirt in Virginia seems ugly by comparison. The people here speak with even more of a southern accent and are even more laid back and relaxed.

I walked into a small grocery store in a ”town” close by to pick up some tomatoes and various vegetables etc. I didn’t know what a certain type of cucumber was, so I asked the woman at the cash register. She turned to me with a great smile and said ‘oh honey, I don’t know WHAT kind of thang that is, but hon, you’ll have to tell me when you come back.” At first I thought it was a pretty big presumption I would be coming back to this store, but then I realized….what other store is there? Of course I would be back.

a wind mill community

Posted in Uncategorized on August 18, 2008 by staticity

All over upper N.Y. wind mills are planted along open land and private land for the rush of ‘new energy.’ Something to fight gas prices, alternate energy, and create hope. Unfortunately, many of the communities in norther N.Y. do not feel this way.

The wind mill companies are tearing apart communities. Activists against the wind milling (because of noise and the corruption of work and bribery that goes along with aquiring the land for wind mills) have become quietly threatened in the process. One activist found her car windowshield smashed twice since the wind mill corruption.  Land sells for tens of thousands and some people want to get in on it while the economy is not quite booming.

One wind mill activist says that the neighborhoods suspect when someone has suddenly been able to buy a few new tractors whether they have made deals with the wind mill company.  One person helped a wind mill company find land and was seen stepping into a wind company car and recieving a package and then stepping aboard the company workforce another week later.

is it worth it? at what cost?

tale of two cities

Posted in Uncategorized on August 13, 2008 by staticity

Tonight was a night I wouldn’t have thought about a few years ago. It was one of those nights with the crickets blowing so hard you’d thinkt hey were horns.  I went over to M.s house for a night out.  She called a few friends from high school over and all of the sudden things were moving. in all different shapes and colors and music was leaking in like a slug crawling around in the garden. Where we all sat facing each other in a circle as we drank under giant bushes and the overgrown trees of the country.  We could smell things like flowers.

The guys insisted we come to a rap club in a bar downtown. After rushing to put on layers of intricatly decorated makeup. We dashed into a car on loose sandals and elegant skirts, being whisked away by a busted ford. The car swirved in and out of Main street with loud blasting bass vibrating from under our seats. The street lights blurred into a mix of street stores stocking naked product. Empty. Into the lot across from the bar.

The scene was rich college kids, dancing to rap with beer bottles raised above them. Swaying hips and leaning back into the man behind them.  The rapper spun inside of a dimly lit tent while the smokers stayed outside. I was caught outside. Smiling across from someone I remembered from when I was sixteen.

“Hey John.”

He leans over the elevated bar stool and rests his elbows.

“Hey! What are you doing out here? I heard you…” A hand floats above the table, “moved out of town.”

“Yeah, I’m back for awhile I suppose.”  A ”public” fountain pooled out from the outside bar, no pennies gleaming below.  He told me he would jump in.  Don’t forget the pennies.

I remember the night on bellmont st. in an apartment with pink and red painted walls. The rest had tapestries hanging from the kitchen where the wine was stretched out in bottles and bottles. I was laying on the couch in my tutu, drinking wine and singing along with the jazz.  We hooked up and I disappeared around four. A month later he showed up as my substitute teacher.  John from Millers. Mr. M from high school.

We had a few beers before the sway of people smoothed over the bar. Here was someone from middle school. Here was another person who sold M and I coke. Here was another person from Western High. The shuffle of over played smiles and shrugged hips in the southern country-club way. Yes, and I would like another cigarette.

An over friendly couple of guys remember M. and I from awhile ago and give us long hugs with stretching hands down our backs and sides.

“Can I buy you a beer?”

I used to think city guys were so sleazy because they weren’t polite. M. and I decide to walk back to my house that’s not too far from downtown. We disappear gracefully and cautiously hugging old friends and quickly scurry downtown.

M. says she forgot we were passing the ghetto to get to my house. I look around, but there’s nothing but big houses with color slopped on the side of them. Telephone poles running farther and farther down the street and the city people sitting on their stoops.  We walk down the three blocks while an odd taxi drives past us twice. Once going up. Once going back down. His lights slowly pass with glowing eyes.

initiation

Posted in Uncategorized on August 12, 2008 by staticity

Today I heard something that bothered me quite a bit.  A high school in Charlottesville has a school sports team for girls volleyball. My cousin was on this team. Apparently to be a ‘part of the team’ they had to go through initiation. This involved rolling around in ketchup while people took pictures at the new team players and laughed at them. The same cousin wants to join a sorority for college.

I think if you want to be humiliated to be accepted in a social club when you’re in college, that’s your own business, however, when it becomes a ‘team thing’ in high school, that is getting a bit ridiculous.  If the team is supported by a high school, then the coach should not allow this to be going on. Especially when the parents called the coach and told her that this was happening and yet it continues. I understand that a coach may not be able to stop what happens on the girls’ own time, but to condone it or look the other way is not only sending the wrong message for high schoolers, but it also allows this kind of humiliating behavior to exist at an age where acceptance is extremely important. The most important thing in the world is not acceptance and as we grow older we understand this, but to impressionable teenagers (and sometimes college kids or people in their early twenties) this is a struggle to understand.

What do you think about initiation? for it? against it? kids own decision? parents should be more involved? ….

bounce.

Posted in Uncategorized on July 29, 2008 by staticity

 Coming down the hill this morning. I saw some grass in a bag with a latch on the rag. I came up to it, said hi, made my peace and left. Goodbye.

Man at the bus stop said he was painting houses. Gray paint. White wash. Jeans rolled up and bus’s rolling down. Like rain hitting the window, splat. And the people bust out two doors like pregnant woman with an extra flap. Trapped. Pouring out in spoonfulls of sugar. Sweet southern style. I was drowning in something slow. 

Gotta get in there. And I did. Moving metal, here I come. To the people who live up from the quicker run. Before I get down, I gotta go up. Rolling on and on past the double door factory and past the pond. Nature? City. Monster? Kitty.

I revved to the end -when the doors opened, I was caught up in the bend. Switch to the other side! I heard the call, but the hill wasn’t so far up back then.

The Age of Courage (olympic news)

Posted in values with tags , , , on July 27, 2008 by staticity

The miminimum age for the Olympics as of 1997 is Sixteen. However, there is some debate in China about olympic gymnastic star He Kexin is under the age of sixteen. There are mixed reports, some saying he is sixteen and passports are being examined as well, but other reports show he may be fourteen. Another gymnast, Jiang Yuyuan also may be as young as fourteen.

“An advantage for younger gymnasts is that they are lighter and, often, more fearless when they perform difficult maneuvers,” said Nellie Kim, Olympic medalist.

I thought this was very interesting and also true. Even those two years between fourteen to sixteen can change in self courage.  More information comes from: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/27/sports/olympics/27gymnasts.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin

What are your thoughts? Did you have any moment you can remember when you were younger where you would not have done something at an older age.

 

 

a new city

Posted in Uncategorized on July 26, 2008 by staticity

No longer in Philly for awhile. Now I am in a town which calls itself a city, Charlottesville. Currently I am about to head down to a definite point of interest (Bed Bath and Beyond, (it’s the beyond section that’s best) after I finish playing on Mom’s computer for a bit. She has these great windows that have six small glass pannels and white shutters. It overlooks a beautiful garden with some stray, white iron, furniture that was left by the previous owners. It’s like a jungle over here.

Vines attack the humidity with tall plants and flowers scattered around little secret sections of her lawn. It’s like the secret garden with tables hidden among the jungle and just when you think you might be lost… Oh! A little sitting chair and some stray glasses.

it’s a wild jungle out here folks

Death From Above 1979 – Sexy Results (MSTRKRFT Remix)

Posted in Uncategorized on July 24, 2008 by staticity

An odd shapely presentation… Amusing to say the least.

The colored houses

Posted in adventure, grunge, insanity, life, philly with tags , , on July 17, 2008 by staticity

color was thrown around like an ecstatic lie to cover up the dark quiet that bleak situations bleed. Orange. Like careless finger paints splattered around on the floor. Purple silk scattered bathrobes tied tight to the morning. Yellow sun. Move just a little slower.

Late night hope still clings on to fun. A few pocket dollars and a rude hour. No one will see. Color drains. From the bath tub to their faces. The night still sucks sweet.

A jungle of houses depart from the ground. Lifting up, up, and away like a pigeon trying to fly. The stoop is still planted and the vertical apartment houses sway with the wind. Almost. Railings throw their arms up to the red city sky. Begging or praying for something above. Windows gasp and cough to breathe the fresh air. Hoagies. Stumped cigarettes. Plastic bags mistaken for tumble weeds.Everything keeps rolling in a  siren silence. Drifting down broken streets with thoughtful names.

The large woman across the street escapes from her children with white, wild, eyes. Laughing loud and shrill. Frantic and alone, but not for long. The moments can barely be counted when stray cats are the only company. Her hair strings out like wire on an electrocuted sound. She looks fast with darting eyes. Wider. Wider! Wild!

Traveling down empty power lines, every lonesome window can be heard. Howling. Crazy laughter from somewhere off in the distance. Houses roll by in a slow dilopidated depression far from the screaming children of fire orange and silk purple stuck in between a licourice mood.

shocked

Posted in Uncategorized on July 12, 2008 by staticity

snapshot

Posted in Uncategorized on June 2, 2008 by staticity

She’s lost in between the grocery aisles of screaming kids. When did she realize she was wearing a wig? the apron had said enough long ago…. maybe he could have captured the polka dots while he was leaving. she’s lost in time.  not even her time, someone else’s. she fumbles for a comb or something while desperately wondering when the phone will stop yelling at her. if she doesn’t answer it-it’s only ringing.  she wants the sound to fuck her ears until they bleed so she can smile in red lips.  Where did the time shoot out when I was sitting on the sunset? The Chinese Store. She had fainted into the golden sun of june first. Her grocerie bags slipped over from the past and clumsily dropped to her feet. No food. Just piles and piles of photographs. black and white. red and brown. lamp posts, buildings, stray cats, corner stores, homeless in rittenhouse, fountain people, the inside of bars, completely fluttering. cluttering around grateful shoes.

THRILLED

Posted in Uncategorized on May 24, 2008 by staticity


You know when you hear that song that you haven’t heard in god knows when, and you know something really strange is going on. You can’t pin point it. You just turned on the radio and the song might be over in a matter of seconds. You’ve got only a split second to live.
Jamie’s crying.

Last night was the last. Friday dirt in my yellow room. No more yellow, I’m telling you. We were all stretched out on the mattress. the canope. the floor. packed in like sardines with drooling happiness. Jesse was telling a story, but I can’t remember it for the life of me. Jessica was trying to ignore danny with out his feelings getting hurt. I’m off in some other place all together, thinking about my sideways window. Thinking about Michael Jackson. Where did he go?
And then it becomes an obsession. Something I have to find. No, push it away, it’s not important.

An image of one of the Mike’s from high school flashes into my head. He’s moonwalking across the club floor with disco lights flashing around in unison. We’re clapping and moving like animals to Thriller and he’s drunk. We’re drunk. Thrilled. Definitely.

The flash is over and my yellow room has turned to twlight of Saturday. I wake up and songs are pounding in my head, I can hear them through my radio mind until I’m singing them. Humming them. Typing them. Smiling. Not quite ready to let them go.

kitchen

Posted in Uncategorized on May 18, 2008 by staticity

trouble ahead

Posted in Uncategorized on May 12, 2008 by staticity

Driving that train. High on cocaine. trouble ahead. trouble behind.
Rain is flooding the streets of Philadelphia, swarming into gutters and washing down toward the abandoned buildings. I watch it out of my sideways window, I can see the building next door and some vines stretching out over the cement courtyard. No doubt about it.We’re all going to drown in our own filth.

Randy newman was playing on the radio. I still can’t get it out of my head. That stupid rednecks song wouldn’t even make it to NPR. Not yesterday. Not in the future. (We’re still rebels with out cause.) Mother’s day was yesterday and I left a message on the machine. Ma called this afternoon. Her roof is leaking, but she got some duct tape so ”everything’s okay for a little while.”

“Back on my feet again.”

The mexi-mart down the block has coffee cakes for fifty cents. The little debbie kind, but I don’t care. I tore off that wrapper right there on the rainy street and gorged. Hungry. greatful. two dollars in my pocket, for a bus ride to nowhere. somewhere. anywhere. tomorrow i’ll go.

purple

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on May 12, 2008 by staticity

Purple
Purple. It seemed like an innocent color and perhaps that is why she repeated the word twenty times or more. Purple. Purple. The shape sagging from something that was once pink and perky. No, not pink. Purple.
The kind of run down rash you might expect to see on the foot of a junkie. Dingy but not red.
Purple. She said it laughing contagiously but no one was sick. Sputtered up drunk, yes. No- not sick. Nothing about her was purple except the word she kept repeating.
Her hair… blueI think -but who could remember? The gap in her teeth was what eyes were glued to. The way she spit out language like a joke on humanity. Dripping with insult cackled directly from above where I was looking.
Purple. Nothing imparticular. As if it were an inside joke when we were facing a window. Glancing only for a moment to see what eyes may glitter when moments were recalled. But no one’s eyes were glittering. Only hers. Did she stop to think that perhaps she made no sense?
Did she stop to wonder if the vodka needed to be drained from the blood shot veins?
No.
Fluttering around a party like it was an accident of coincidence. Oh and doesn’t coincidence appeal to those who wish they had control?
Purple. Purple. Purple. And then it couldn’t be helped. Sputtered. Sprayed. Spat. Innocence Leaping out of her mouth and bouncing down the steps we were sitting on. Oh the ache from her mouth just couldn’t stop! Purple! Purple! She kept crying out as if urgent, but ambulances were miles to be seen.
Covering her arms with hands scrunched up upon her fabric. Needy. Not even bothering to cover her mouth, contorting her emotionless stupor into something of a plea she said; ‘If only time could forgive me, but now that I’ve started, I just can’t stop.’

Purple smeared all over her gapped up teeth until embarrassment was rouged on everyone’s face. What to do with such a situation? Grow up. Stand up. Pick up your knees if you can’t use them. Away she slipped as our bodies bruised in the heat of color.

pajama party

Posted in Philadelphia, adventure, hipster, party, philly on February 6, 2008 by staticity

I found myself draped in a skanky slip of a red night gown converted half-assed into a dress. Draped in a blue bathrobe, I felt somewhat out of place. The image of an old lady sitting at a cocktail table earlier that evening, wearing a black sequined gawty dress, came to mind.

Who were these men in flannel and berets? They were smoking pipes out of an era that was lost more than fifty years ago. Jungle juice, vodka, and lots of smoke was traveling around with a grey cloud of people. Bands that sounded badly out of tune with the prospect of angsty anger toward romance sang with their guitars and drums in our basement.

I pushed past crowds of people clustered together in their own private groupings so I could reach the front basement area. Past the grungy carpet I used to sleep on I felt the cold through barefeet among a sea of boots. Finally. A familiar face. Mr. Mustache is standing with his leg stretched out and a beer clasped in his hand. Chain smoking with the other.

The eyes of others were monsterous. Largely focused on the hope of a nearby fame. Could it be? There eyes were large enough to eat the drumset. Engorging all the people and the publicity of myspace photos documenting the evening. Eyes were everywhere. Lurking out of the corners of sofas. Darting between lines of drugs. Flashing flirtatiously at the concept of dare-we-think one night stands?

I sat down onto my mattress after some time had passed. Wrapped around the curl of constant cigarettes, I could feel my face fading. Only ten thirty? How could that be?
With the flash of untying robes into the night life of toilet papered bathrooms, I liked the feel of silk. In an instant, it might be gone.

the-band.jpg________________________
The Social Orchestra

I hear people in the bathroom…
from Nic’s bedroom.  I think there’s a small group of people smoking pot in the shower.
Someone Nic works with by the name of Keith, bought some dope from us. While we were sitting in the room, he started to talk about all the old things I have heard just like everyone else, a million times over.
- his adventures of warrants out for him in three states.
-his girlfriend is annoying and out of line talking about his dope addiction.
- mentions casually the word ‘addiction’ as if it is in fashion.

Keith is the kind of guy who likes to think of himself as breaking all the rules because he hates the fact he sucks up to get where he is. Probably the kind of guy who would be ashamed by family wealth. He likes flirting with the idea of a scene in heroin. He looks for danger in office buildings.

College girls are in the next room…
“It’s funny how South Philly is so different from West Philly.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s so much more laid back here, but I don’t know.”
“Yeah, I mean I guess these are like, what happened to those people our age that didn’t go to college.”

I was fixing up the dress above my breasts. Tugging at the straps and constantly ‘checking’. Oozing sex, I felt the eyes belonging to long shirts and leggings of nervous chatter. Aware of small, awkward moments, thoughts contained of;
A red lollipop licked and sucked between Mr.Mustache and I.
Barefeet in the basement of bands.
Sitting cross legged with a cigarette tucked between fingers of a rouged lifestyle consisting ‘pure funk.’
The girl who said nothing but kept sitting very closely with cigarettes going both ways.

The satin sensations faded early in the night, but music was still breathing safely from downstairs. I can hear them now singing drunk from the social symphony in awe.

Stray Kids

Posted in Uncategorized on January 11, 2008 by staticity

I saw a boy yesterday, sitting on the curb eating a lollipop. The neighbors seemed to give little attention to him for two in the afternoon. I wondered if school had let out early. A man in his twenties was walking door to door, he must have caught the little boys attention. He left his curb and started to follow the man. Hesitantly at first, but then almost with a skip of jolly inclination.

“Do you know who the Ghost busters are?” He asked with enthusiasm.
The man shook his head, glancing around for a parent in sight.
“Are you a Ghost Buster? You look like one. Is that why you’re going to everyone’s house? To make sure they don’t have any ghosts?”
“No, I work for the post office.” The man smiled awkwardly.
The little boy did not believe this. “I think I have a ghost. Mama just yells at me when I tell her, but she doesn’t know.”
“Do you think it’s invisible?” The man asked.
“No. I see it sometimes. It races from under my bed to out the window when it gets really really late at night.”
“What do you do about it?”
“I scream. But now that you’re here, you can fight it for me.” The little boy looked up at him with a strange sort of hope glittering from inside his eyes.
“I don’t have my equipment.” The man finally said.
“That’s okay. You’re bigger than me. Maybe you could come over for a slumber party.”

I watched as the little boy followed the postal worker down the block. With each door the postal worker knocked on, the people seemed to over look the little boy. It was as if they must have known him to do this quite often. Maybe like a stray dog that they all feed every now and again to keep him full.
The postal worker got to the end of 7th street and looked down to the future of row houses to come.
“Little man, I have to go now. I’ve got a lot more work to do.” I could hear him as he squatted down to the height of the little nose pointed up.
“I can follow you. We could be friends.”
“No, little man. You should stay on your block. Your mom might start to wonder.”
“It’s okay.”
The man gave him a little smile and shifted the mail bag onto his right shoulder. He waved and then disappeared further down the street.
Little boys shouldn’t be so eager to talk to strangers. I watched him as he mosied back to his stoop, slumped along the steps with another lollipop. Waiting for the Ghost busters.

Happy Holidays

Posted in Uncategorized on December 23, 2007 by staticity

I hate the holidays.

Dad called me a few days ago to make sure I would be at my apartment at one p.m. today. He stresses this point FOUR times. He says he is going to pick me up and drive me back to Virginia so I can see family that same day. My sisters on my mother’s side are only going to be in town for tonight.

Today Dad calls me and says he is going to be an hour late and is not going to drive me back on the same day. Ordinarily I would understand, it’s a lot of driving. However, since my sisters live far away and I only see them on the holidays, I am upset because now I will not get to see them. Four hours later when Dad has still not arrived- I call him to say I am upset. I will not see my family like we had planned and he has continued to lie about the times he will meet me. I say that I do not want to see him tonight and I will call him tomorrow morning.

With this, he says he is incredibly disappointed in me and I will have to call him tomorrow and he MAY pick me up in the morning or May pick me up in the afternoon since he is so upset that I am being ‘rude.’ I say that is fine and I am incredibly disappointed as well. Now I will not be able to see my family which I was planning on seeing for months now. Dad gets angry and says now he’s not even sure if he will take me back to Virginia at all since I’m being so rude.

I have every right to be rude. He expects me to kiss his feet for picking me up after I had planned on taking the bus. He is late. He is not taking me back on the day we had planned so I could see my sisters. And HE is disappointed in ME? Apparentlly I don’t have a justified reason to be mad. I think he was the one that was sensationally rude. I am now not going back to Virginia and spending Christmas alone. Mom is pissed at me. Dad is disappointed that I’m mad. I am furious.

updating…

Posted in Uncategorized on December 16, 2007 by staticity

Sitting in a center city coffee house typing from their computer. It’s glum. Rainy.  Full of two dollar muffins.  I woke up at an ungodly hour this morning (nine a.m.)  and then got on the bus soon after to come here. 

A woman with red, withered, hair got off on Market Street clutching her ‘hamster coat’ as Dave put it. The tufts of different shades of brown fur were looking a bit ratty pulled up close to her teenage white-trash effect.  She looked vaguely familiar, but I’m not sure why. I thought about Natural Born Killers.

Off to search for dads gift.

The Castle

Posted in adventure, family, life, relationships, thanksgiving on November 23, 2007 by staticity

The place where the lights went out.  Deep into the fresh air with electric stars and fields of night time adventure.

I arrived in town at my grandmother’s house on Thanksgiving. Greeted by the heavy-New York accent my uncle defines.  The skinniest girl (being his daughter) was pointed out fairly early into the conversation. New York Accent included.

Tradition is very important in our family. Not in a traditional sense though. A few good qualities passed along include:

 Snorting when we laugh.

Not being able to carry a tune.  

Talking with our hands. 

Perhaps the most shamed upon would be smoking. Every woman in the family excepting the most pure, smoked cigarettes. And no one wanted to be that pure except one person. Our Princess. Queen is what really fits her, but Mom already called that title.

The Princess is the one we all look at with hope for ourselves. A healthy dose of jealousy. A huge amount of respect. And a giant feeling of awe. Everyone has one in their family, our’s is my younger cousin, Sarah.

When I arrived at my Aunts house Tuesday morning, she immediately informed of the news. Thankfully the tumor was ”normal” and sarah was not going to die.  Then, the religious part.

Sarah had found a church group.

Religion is not a big ‘to-do’ in my family. In fact, it’s more of an opposite tradition, (a threat some might go so far to say)  so when Sarah joined the church group, she was definitely the first we had heard of. One of us? Going to one of those? Don’t be silly. We’re too strong for that stuff. Give us a pack of cigarettes and let’s call it a night.

As the week progressed, I met a friend of hers from the church group. Intrigued, I stayed to watch this turn of events. Anyone that could be involved with the church had to be at least watched for a little bit. (just to make sure nothing strange was going on here.) I curiously gawked as a small boy of probably sixteen, pulled out a collective bout of James Bond knowledge. (Accompanied by a video)

Though the conversation seemed a bit forced (mostly from my end) he was so tame, I couldn’t find a thing wrong with him.  Fun? Camping on a retreat. I wouldn’t even have the heart to ask him if he had used drugs.  Not to say I didn’t try.

I caught myself wondering if this was real. Could someone really be that generally nice? Then I looked over at Sarah who was laughing hysterically at the side comments to James Bond.  Oh yeah. I guess he could be.

I decided to lay low after invading her movie time with a boy. A boy. She shouldn’t be seeing Boy’s alone.  Maybe I shouldn’t have intruded in the first place, but you never can be too sure with the strong opinionated type.

 As we sat down to Thanksgiving dinner, Sarah and I faced the skinny-model looking cousin, but were too side tracked with Aunt Deborah’s snorting laugh and Uncle Mark’s flamboiant hand gestures to really notice. 

“Should we tell her about our excitement?” Deborah asked Sarah. Sarah didn’t seem to know what excitement had happened.

“Well…. Sarah was just napping there during lunch at school when all of the sudden someone tried to wake her up and she just wouldn’t come to. So they called the principal, he couldn’t wake her. They called the police. They couldn’t wake her…”

I look toward Sarah, to see if she’s at all nervous about the conversation, but like some sort of strange miracle, she is laughing.

“I named it Teddy the Tumor.”

Oh my dear God.

I couldn’t help snorting when I heard it. I wanted to laugh harder, but I was trying so hard to keep it in.  Why should I keep it in? It struck me why I didn’t like the religious idea. No way would I want to lose Sarah to anything that could be stronger than our family. That wasn’t going to happen. Teddy and I were going to be just fine.  

At the risk of sounding cheezy, I knew I wasn’t in the dark anymore.

into the fog of 5 a.m.

Posted in adventure, grunge, life, philly with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2007 by staticity

So I had the great idea (one of many) to walk into the fog of five in the morning and mosey my way down to 5th and Washington. I could buy some doughnuts, Joe could let me in the front door and maybe my boyfriend would be happy about the doughnuts and forget about the time.

I left the row house just as the sun was starting to come up.

“Don’t go out in the fog! You’ll get mugged!” My much concerned roommate could be heard from her bedroom, but alas… I was too cool for safety.

Past Dickinson and several half streets I can make out the bus stops along the way but not much more than a block ahead of me can I see past morning. Several un-charmed large ghetto-looking women sat on their benches and stared as I stuck out like a ghost. I can only imagine what they think as some skinny white girl clunks along in her boots, hopelessly smiling because ‘hey…. everyone should be polite, right?’

Up to the main street I slink into a corner store and drop all of my 89cents onto the counter. Two ”tastykake” doughnuts. Success.

The woman behind the counter looks at me funny. She turns and says something to the two guys behind the deli stand, apparently they agree. Catching a glimpse of my reflection in the window, I notice my hair is slightly damp from the fog and my once gothic-applied eyeliner has smeared heavy into the mascara. Why haven’t I gone to bed yet? The question still lingers.

I’m waiting patiently (meaning grabbing my coat collar every few seconds and checking the electronic clock bill board with the other few seconds) when a group of boys in dirty jeans and faint mustaches riding in the back of a pick up truck, turn and start shouting. I can’t really hear what they are saying, a lot of whisteling. I nervously dig through my pocketbook in hopes of a distraction. No such luck. Unfortunately the hooker appearance is roaring it’s ugly head.

I finally get on the 47. Safe. Now I only have roughly ten blocks on a city bus until I am in the clear. (so to speak) For five thirty in the morning I have never seen a more packed bus. Sequined pollyester rubbing against fake jewels and afro’s with ‘phillies’ baseball caps smooshing the look. They were all pressed up against everyone standing, grabbing, poking, holding on to whatever possible as the insane Septa Bus driver sped through the empty streets.

Lurch. I’d fall forward. Poor grade school kids with their backpacks are trying not to fall out of the sliding door.

Lurch. I’d fall backward. Sleezy guy in back could be felt poking below.

Lurch. I’d grab on to the rail. And then suck in as grandmothers with their matching suit jackets would scramble off on 15th street.

The whole thing was rather exciting and deathly frightening. I clung onto my pocket book the whole time until it started to clear a little and I could get a seat.

Through out the ride, no one seemed to pay much attention to the crowd except one man who got on when the road started to narrow. We were all sitting down when he got on, said hello to the driver, tipped his brown top hat and said in the nicest,most upstanding way possible,

“Good Morning Folks. Sure is a nice Wednesday morning out there, ain’t it?”

He gripped his walker with a reassuring ease as he sunk down in a seat near me. His suit was entirely made out of nice brown linen and it looked like it had been ironed. He turned to the woman who was now smiling sitting next to him, and asked her how her kids were doing.

I got off at the next stop, but it made me wonder just where they were going further and further down the narrow foggy road to nowhere. Another adventure. Another morning.washingtonave.jpg

By six I reached my destination but my savior in the living room, Joe, did not answer my calls. I called several times. I called from the window. I banged on the door. I rang the doorbell 8 times in a row. After twenty minute incriments I would do the whole routiene over again. At eight thirty I was let in by another roommate who had a salary job at 9 a.m.

Thank God for people who have it together.

a little reception

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on November 14, 2007 by staticity

I’m looking at an add that has jumped across the screen with purple, yellow, and red cartooned people that says ”lose fat for idiots!” you can’t tell what the ad is for right away, especially since it has been removed from my site. What is life coming to? the annoying question bothers in an almost nagging teenaged tone. adolescence is not my gig.

 Today sitting in the java co. on south street, I found myself pulling down the lace in the black skirt I have been wearing for four and a 1/2(?) days. Long black coat drenched around me like rain with pockets pissing. holes jabbed at frayed edges and where were those jeans again?

Slouched into the booth seat with the curve of plastic that holds you in. 

Plain bagel and orange soda for $3.43 (including cream cheese)

The old man that has been staring for a few grimy minutes walks over in his leather chain jacket and silver chain buttons.

“Hi, have I met you before?” His hands are shaking due to the fact he could be 65.

I’m not sure. Probably not. I don’t get out much.

“Oh well, you looked real familiar and I’m a photographer so I thought I might have seen you. you know.”

no. not really.

‘yeah, well it was nice to meet you.’

“Yeah, I’m doing a model shoot. You know, something real artsy.” His hands wave around theatrically shaking still. “Can I sit down?”

oh jesus. no get away, with the propoganda.

‘um…’

“Well yeah, I’m doing this shoot, right?” He pauses. “I love bagels too. It’s with seven really pretty girls, oh by the way,” a sleezy smile. “you Are over 18 right?”

No. i’m actually fifteen. maybe fourteen. actually, I want to go home and ask mom right now.

‘yeah.’

The leather on his hands match his jacket. I can’t help, but wonder if this is how it always started.

“well, you know, I’m doing this shoot about seven girls who have exceptionally nice legs and its going to be all the way up, but you know, modest and really neat- like a magazine style. Of course we pay the models and any trade-for-portfolio pictures that you might want to you know, show other companies you have had experience.”

ok. well, i’m going to finish my bagel and i’ll get back to you on that.

‘do you have a number?”

The man scribbles down a ten digit telephone number onto a slip of paper. First three numbers are jotted with great hesitance for rememberance.

“Oh gosh, after the first car crash my hands were okay, but when the third one hit in ‘99 I got the shakes.”

a smile.

“well, here, can you read it back to me?” The leather jacket passes me the slip scribbled as he holds his cell phone up to the paper.

Looking at the screen.

‘yup.  I got it.’

I scarfed down the remaining bagel and bolted. Out of annoyance perhaps. Or maybe the fact that just because I look self conscious and ‘not-from-around-here, are you?’ tips people off. Maybe because the slip of paper felt nice inside ripped expensive coats.

No ‘Escape’

Posted in Uncategorized on November 3, 2007 by staticity

Dear glitz in the gutter,  

Much to my annoyances, I found myself locked. Barracaded. NO- not litterally…even worse… (physically). With the throws of PMS. I was wallowing in my heating pad when I noticed… there was nothing to read. No, not anything. Stuck in bed and NOTHING to even scan. My sixty four dollar tomato book was just that. Cooking books (Reluctantly tossed aside under the kitchen counter) My Sixty nine cent vintage porno book? Not holding captivity. And the only piles of books that were stacked were ones of only old notebook paper.
Then it came to me. A small red plastic covered book with the words enthusiastically painted on the front ”the most beautiful woman in town.”
(Engrossed by the thought) I quickly snatched it up and read the first chapter. hey—not bad.

The jacket cover was flipped. Defeated! Charles Bukowski had won.

After a few more stories/chapters I am hooked.

tastefully yours,
in two hours

taxi recognition

Posted in Uncategorized on October 24, 2007 by staticity

I feel like im getting old”
                                                                                                                                          “Seriously, just think… in another ten years, our lives will be over.”      

  Today was marked as the day.  Cab company called. 

Satin shoes. photography of Virginia cinder block houses with old women in there screened in door way.  Craigslist job hunting. Black framed spectacles. Sitting in a wedding veil watching saved by the bell. Priceless.

“So how’s life treating you, it’s been a long, long time.” I look up past the front seat of a yellow taxi. He’s not wearing his usual cowboy hat, it’s raining and his hair is sticking wet.

“Yeah, I’ve been around. What happened to the hat?”

“Got too old.”

Social Standards

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on October 22, 2007 by staticity

various etiquette ”rules” found

- A gentleman should be the one walking curb-side to avoid any traffic water splashing on the woman.

- The person who does the asking out is the one who should pay, especially on a first date.

- Always ask when given a blow job where you should orgasm.

- Never have sex before your 3rd date.

- Do not have loud sex in a thin walled living space. Or on your roommates couch (no matter the comfort.)

- Though you may have fantasized over your cousin during those teenage years, it is not a good idea to act upon it.

- Men should still pull out the chair on a dinner date.

- Wearing high heels over four inches is cheap for any date.

Cues your date may give (according to AOL love)

- Is his hair extra disheveled? Assuming it’s not a fashion statement or your date isn’t an artist or poet, this signals he didn’t take the time to comb his hair. That says you’re not worth even a minute in front of the mirror. Be careful!

- Is she slumped or hunched? This girl has no self-confidence! (hey… they’re the most loyal)

- Is your date looking at everyone but you? He might do this because he’s nervous, but it’s also a signal he’ll cheat. Move to a different place in the venue and see if he keeps it up. If so, go home early.

- Is your date talking out of rhythm with hand movements? Alarm bells should go off. This is a favorite trick of salesmen and smooth talkers. What is happening in the brain isn’t in tune with the rest of the body. Don’t trust her!
(this is definitely a bummer considering I’m an animated talker.)

- Is your date acting too cocky? If so, it’s a sign that he’s insecure. You decide if it’s endearing or annoying.
(when would that Ever be endearing?)

I also found this tidbit of information on good old AOL

Women beware if your husband talks about spending “quality time” together. More than anything else, this is the hallmark of a cheat.

Men be concerned, be very concerned, if your wife suddenly demands more sex, seems unusually attentive to you, and wears her wedding ring more often than she did before. And, men, this should really scare you: Women are far better at deception than you are.”

This online Study actually goes into detail about the precautions of not getting a yeast infection:

Apparently masturbation and oral sex are a ‘no no.’ My question is, why don’t more people have yeast infections? Instead of directly touching a woman’s vagina during sex, this article suggests doing other things that might turn her on (such as having a good conversation.) Or trying a physical activity (it suggests an obstacle course.) Middle school gym class really turns me on.

darting yellow

Posted in Uncategorized on October 22, 2007 by staticity

and of course her ears were ringing.  the refrigerator. god what was the refrigerator doing on so high? why don’t you turn off all your lights and stop wasting electricity?

yellow skin with the green tint of a bathroom mirror. she was burning on fire contagiously wailing. 

help, I’m burning. “That’s what she said.” and her loins were guarded close by the woman who told her to. 

“no.” nose tipping to shoulder she presses her eyes quickly to the ground. slightly smiling or blushing out shame. i’m making love to the way you talk.

ears rang silent.