Archive for October, 2007

Diet Potato Chips (just incase you were wondering)

Posted in diet potato chips, dieting, gross, insanity, olestra with tags , , , , on October 25, 2007 by staticity

After watching vh1 I Love The 90’s last night, I decided to look up ‘light potato chips’ myself. Here’s the find:

“This Product Contains Olestra. Olestra may cause abdominal cramping and loose stools.”= Actual Warning Label

January 4, 2006,Frito lay was sued by a massachusetts consumer who was not happy about the ”Light” potato chip marketing. The thirty year old woman experienced ”severe gas”.

Frito chips with Olestra are now required to have a warning label on the front of their product.

Actual Definition of “Loose Stools” = Diarrhea

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taxi recognition

Posted in Uncategorized on October 24, 2007 by staticity

I feel like im getting old”
                                                                                                                                          “Seriously, just think… in another ten years, our lives will be over.”      

  Today was marked as the day.  Cab company called. 

Satin shoes. photography of Virginia cinder block houses with old women in there screened in door way.  Craigslist job hunting. Black framed spectacles. Sitting in a wedding veil watching saved by the bell. Priceless.

“So how’s life treating you, it’s been a long, long time.” I look up past the front seat of a yellow taxi. He’s not wearing his usual cowboy hat, it’s raining and his hair is sticking wet.

“Yeah, I’ve been around. What happened to the hat?”

“Got too old.”

Social Standards

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on October 22, 2007 by staticity

various etiquette ”rules” found

– A gentleman should be the one walking curb-side to avoid any traffic water splashing on the woman.

The person who does the asking out is the one who should pay, especially on a first date.

– Always ask when given a blow job where you should orgasm.

– Never have sex before your 3rd date.

– Do not have loud sex in a thin walled living space. Or on your roommates couch (no matter the comfort.)

– Though you may have fantasized over your cousin during those teenage years, it is not a good idea to act upon it.

– Men should still pull out the chair on a dinner date.

– Wearing high heels over four inches is cheap for any date.

Cues your date may give (according to AOL love)

Is his hair extra disheveled? Assuming it’s not a fashion statement or your date isn’t an artist or poet, this signals he didn’t take the time to comb his hair. That says you’re not worth even a minute in front of the mirror. Be careful!

– Is she slumped or hunched? This girl has no self-confidence! (hey… they’re the most loyal)

– Is your date looking at everyone but you? He might do this because he’s nervous, but it’s also a signal he’ll cheat. Move to a different place in the venue and see if he keeps it up. If so, go home early.

– Is your date talking out of rhythm with hand movements? Alarm bells should go off. This is a favorite trick of salesmen and smooth talkers. What is happening in the brain isn’t in tune with the rest of the body. Don’t trust her!
(this is definitely a bummer considering I’m an animated talker.)

– Is your date acting too cocky? If so, it’s a sign that he’s insecure. You decide if it’s endearing or annoying.
(when would that Ever be endearing?)

I also found this tidbit of information on good old AOL

Women beware if your husband talks about spending “quality time” together. More than anything else, this is the hallmark of a cheat.

Men be concerned, be very concerned, if your wife suddenly demands more sex, seems unusually attentive to you, and wears her wedding ring more often than she did before. And, men, this should really scare you: Women are far better at deception than you are.”

This online Study actually goes into detail about the precautions of not getting a yeast infection:

Apparently masturbation and oral sex are a ‘no no.’ My question is, why don’t more people have yeast infections? Instead of directly touching a woman’s vagina during sex, this article suggests doing other things that might turn her on (such as having a good conversation.) Or trying a physical activity (it suggests an obstacle course.) Middle school gym class really turns me on.

darting yellow

Posted in Uncategorized on October 22, 2007 by staticity

and of course her ears were ringing.  the refrigerator. god what was the refrigerator doing on so high? why don’t you turn off all your lights and stop wasting electricity?

yellow skin with the green tint of a bathroom mirror. she was burning on fire contagiously wailing. 

help, I’m burning. “That’s what she said.” and her loins were guarded close by the woman who told her to. 

“no.” nose tipping to shoulder she presses her eyes quickly to the ground. slightly smiling or blushing out shame. i’m making love to the way you talk.

ears rang silent.