Archive for the facts Category

9th day NA

Posted in adventure, facts, friends, grunge, insanity, interactions, Narcotics Anononymous, relationships, success, values with tags , , , on June 5, 2008 by staticity

Today is my tenth day clean. I hate today. There’s nothing more that I want to do right now than go down to 5th and washington.  but no.

Yesterday (9th day) I went to a different meeting in center city this time. There were a lot more younger people there and I felt like I could relate more to them.  A guy named Jack picked me up before the meeting and we got coffee at the old cafe steph/eric/I used to go to.  Jack lived in south philly his whole life. He used to live in the same area as I do. “Back when there was a baseball field and not a basketball court.” Apparently things were safer then than they are now. It surprised me. Everyone I’ve talked to in NA can identify with where I’m living in some way. Most of them say to think about moving because it’s a real hot spot. Needless to say- I don’t walk around at night.

Jack is one of those big Italian Catholic men who has the accent. He talks a lot, which I like in a funny sort of way. He’s charming in an honest way. He plays hockey and he was wearing his jersey to the meeting.  He told me to find my higher power and rest assure that this was not a cult. I could hear my mother’s voice in the back of my head saying “Rebecca, you’re not dumb. You can be kind of naive, just remember to stay away from all those cults.” I smiled, fading back into the leather of Jack’s big SUV.

The speaker was really good last night. A lot of times they get really animated and into what they are talking about. (Rightfully so) This one was a tour guide and had to put up with cranky old ladies. He was going over the sixth step which is something about ”personal defects”. I don’t like thinking about my shit qualities as defects. It makes me feel like some sort of robot that is supposed to be perfect and ”illiminate the defects.” or something like that. We all have shit qualities. We can tone them down, but they’re never going to disappear.

So far–I’m doing what I should be doing. I need to stay clean for about a month before I can start working on the 12 steps. I feel so ridiculous going to this stuff. Hugging. Talking about higher powers. Chanting prayers. It’s weird.

This morning I was so close to calling someone for dope. I got out my suboxone medicine instead. I don’t know if that’s good or not. Suboxone is to help get off heroin and I was prescribed to it by my doctor, but I had been on it for four days and decided to stop. The past couple of days have been nightmares though. I get these wicked cravings. My doctor said I should stay on it for two months, but I don’t want to get addicted to suboxone. What’s the point in that?

any suggestions?

The First Day Successes

Posted in adventure, art, facts, gross, grunge, insanity, interactions, life, Philadelphia, philly, relationships, success, values on February 12, 2008 by staticity

Today was hell. I figured I should write it down before I either explode in silence, or pass out from exhaustion. From six a.m. to two p.m. I started feeling the symptoms.

Cold sweats. Hot flashes. Aches. Vomiting. Depression. Coughing. Dizziness. Exhaustion. Confusion. And just an overall unpleasant feeling.

From two p.m. I staggered out of bed naked from last night. I desperately wanted to use the bathroom but to my luck, our pipes broke and the toilets don’t work. I grabbed a thin bathrobe and made it to the shower. My first success. About twenty minutes later I hobbled back to my room to try and turn on the space heater, but it sparked off (which means I have to unplug it and wait for a half hour to turn it back on.)

So then I cried for a little while. (The space heater was a big upset as you can see) I tried sleeping but dreams consisted of a whore house with flashing lights leading to mine and a friend’s arrest for using dope. After that I didn’t really feel tired.

Upstairs to Joe’s room it was. This was the second success. I couldn’t find the hair brush under all the filth in our room so I just left it wet and tangled. I listened to MFDoom and Michael Jackson records with Matthew and Joe and Joe’s new girlfriend. I smiled when Matthew started dancing to ‘PYT’. That was my third success.

Someone asked me why I was so sick. I told Matthew what was going on and he was really really supportive. He wasn’t upset at all and it felt so good to have people that knew and were really genuinely concerned let me hang out with them. That was my fourth success.

Then. Came the unimaginable. Matthew suggested we go out for pizza. The weather must have been negative with wind and I was already cold, but I knew I had to get out or I would start feeling worse. After about an hour of procrastinating and listening to more records, we left the house. It was bitter frozen. The winds were hitting the alleys like boxers. Mad boxers. Maybe as mad as Mike Tyson himself.

At a slow group pace, we gradually defeated Mike Tyson one step at at a time and made it to 7th and Carpenter. I bought a a big pizza for everyone and ate about half a slice before throwing up. We talked about the stupid news that was on the pizza parlor tv. I laughed when we all made fun of the chickens that were ‘running ramped in a PA middle school.’ That was the fifth success.

We ate and talked for a long time. I got to use the bathroom at the pizza place. Sixth success. I bought something to drink and as Matthew and the gang went to the library, I made it home with out any lurking pedestrians asking me if ‘I was good?’ Seventh Success.

I was approaching the stoop when a terrible thought crossed my mind. What if the door is locked. Now, I did have my keys around my neck, but I am a frequent worrier and one of my problems is opening locked doors. Sure enough the door was locked. It must have been a test of God. I finally found the latch to my necklace (were my keys safely rest) and with frigid fingers got the keys to miraculously fit in the door. Eighth Success!!

With an adventure accomplished and a small amount of food still in me, I went upstairs and lied down to watch cartoons for an hour. I went back downstairs to socialize with the roommates and watch a movie later on tonight. Ninth success.

So far, it’s eight thirty p.m. The vomiting has subsided and although there is no toilet, I think I can wait until tomorrow.

Today is the first day.

Tomorrow is the last day.

Wednesday is a break day with two lines.

Thursday is the first day again.

Friday is the last day.

Saturday is break day with two more lines.

Sunday is the first day.

Monday is the toughest day.

Tuesday is the last day.

Wednesday is sanity again with two lines.

I can do it. Today was a success. Tomorrow comes later.

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Two days ago was the start. This was the look of things.

gentrifying hipsters

Posted in facts, grunge, hipster, life, Philadelphia, philly on January 4, 2008 by staticity

I’m torn. Let me explain… I recently saw the tv/internet show called The Burg which is about the hipster movement of gentrification. This is actually a rather large problem Philadelphia is currently facing. People with money-pretending to be poor- moving into ‘the newest art scene’ to try and get some street cred. You may know them as:

go go dancers

starving artists

goth/independent/diverse modeling

‘independent film’

etc.etc.

The show proves hilarious and actually has a real myspace. However, I get the feeling the people who are target audience are going to be inevitably the anti-hipsters who are basically the same thing as hipsters. (Incredibly opinionated snobs)
I don’t think anyone can stop the gentrification going on with our current economical situation. People are poor. People are going to get more poor. Trust fun(d) kids or not, I think the best we can do for now is just make fun of it.

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The Telephone (possibly yours)

Posted in facts, grunge, interactions, life, odd, Philadelphia, philly on December 18, 2007 by staticity

telephone.jpg
“Where you at?” I couldn’t help but feel like one of those people from a cell phone commercial as I used my *not* pre paid phone. I can hear the people on my block from outside my window making drug calls. Meeting ‘around the corner’ and what not.
What makes people invincible when they are on the phone? I’ve noticed people aren’t very concerned with what or how loud they are speaking when they are using their cell phones. Something about the importance of flipping open a colored telephone with numbers attached to a mechanical button for your automatic pleasure seems a little too self important.

Worst things you can do on a phone:
-keep talking when you are at a register or in a meeting
-arrange to ‘buy forty for five’ in anywhere public
-continuously say the word ‘yeah’
-leave that awful rap song ringer singing way past the 3 minute call.

Phone Facts:
*A cell phone operates at a maximum power level of 0.6 watts. A household microwave oven uses between 600 and 1,100 watts.
*People in the UK apparently change their phones every ten months.
*In Europe 100 million phones get thrown away every year.
*Recycled phones have valuable metal (such as gold) that is taken out.
*Around 300 million cell phones are used in the U.S.
*The first car phone was marketed in 1982.
*An average cell phone user owns 3 non working cell phones.
*Only 2 percent of Americans recycle their old cell phones.
*Cadium chemical in one cell phone battery can contaminate 600,000 gallons of water.