Archive for the friends Category

9th day NA

Posted in adventure, facts, friends, grunge, insanity, interactions, Narcotics Anononymous, relationships, success, values with tags , , , on June 5, 2008 by staticity

Today is my tenth day clean. I hate today. There’s nothing more that I want to do right now than go down to 5th and washington.  but no.

Yesterday (9th day) I went to a different meeting in center city this time. There were a lot more younger people there and I felt like I could relate more to them.  A guy named Jack picked me up before the meeting and we got coffee at the old cafe steph/eric/I used to go to.  Jack lived in south philly his whole life. He used to live in the same area as I do. “Back when there was a baseball field and not a basketball court.” Apparently things were safer then than they are now. It surprised me. Everyone I’ve talked to in NA can identify with where I’m living in some way. Most of them say to think about moving because it’s a real hot spot. Needless to say- I don’t walk around at night.

Jack is one of those big Italian Catholic men who has the accent. He talks a lot, which I like in a funny sort of way. He’s charming in an honest way. He plays hockey and he was wearing his jersey to the meeting.  He told me to find my higher power and rest assure that this was not a cult. I could hear my mother’s voice in the back of my head saying “Rebecca, you’re not dumb. You can be kind of naive, just remember to stay away from all those cults.” I smiled, fading back into the leather of Jack’s big SUV.

The speaker was really good last night. A lot of times they get really animated and into what they are talking about. (Rightfully so) This one was a tour guide and had to put up with cranky old ladies. He was going over the sixth step which is something about ”personal defects”. I don’t like thinking about my shit qualities as defects. It makes me feel like some sort of robot that is supposed to be perfect and ”illiminate the defects.” or something like that. We all have shit qualities. We can tone them down, but they’re never going to disappear.

So far–I’m doing what I should be doing. I need to stay clean for about a month before I can start working on the 12 steps. I feel so ridiculous going to this stuff. Hugging. Talking about higher powers. Chanting prayers. It’s weird.

This morning I was so close to calling someone for dope. I got out my suboxone medicine instead. I don’t know if that’s good or not. Suboxone is to help get off heroin and I was prescribed to it by my doctor, but I had been on it for four days and decided to stop. The past couple of days have been nightmares though. I get these wicked cravings. My doctor said I should stay on it for two months, but I don’t want to get addicted to suboxone. What’s the point in that?

any suggestions?


My Future

Posted in adventure, friends, success, values with tags , , on March 20, 2008 by staticity

In the wee wee hours we make night and day. Someday, when I’m rich and famous, I’m going to move down to New Orleans and build myself a house. It’s going to be a shacker, one of those kinds with a screen door that screeches with the crickets, not over them. There’s going to be nothing but blues playing from night to day. A giant piano will sit laid back in a room where everyone can play. All my roommates will play music.
They’ll mosy out of their room around three in the afternoon and buy a bottle of bourbon and start playing. We’ll sing until three in the morning.

Yup, when I’m rich and famous I’m going to leave the city. No more mad-mouthed city folk for me. I’m heading straight home to Louisiana. Catch a train somewhere and won’t stop until I’m satisfied.
I imagine I’ll come across some pretty odd people on a train to Louisiana. Probably some illegals, looking to find a place away from the law. I’ll say, ‘hey, you heading where I’m going?’
They’ll say ‘yes ma’am. Soon as I’m done with this wine, I’m going to float my way back home and never head back.’

We’ll start a posse. A group of odd balls from all over the place.
One Electrician for obvious reasons.
One blues pianist for drinking reasons.
One geek for entertainment.
And a small Italian woman to cook.
Yup, we’ll be friends from the beginning and right up to the end.

Some people might ask, why go to a flop house if you’re rich and famous? Well, I’ll say, It’s been a long time coming for some place I can relax.
What with all the book signings and tv interviews, a girl can get pretty tired. NYC isn’t for everyone you know.

I’ll eat off the fat of the land and avoid religion at all costs. Some paranoid catholic comes into my field, I’ll set them right in their place. Across the property.

Extravagant parties will be thrown. Invitation only of course. Writers, painters, musicians, photographers, people with real personality.  Accents included. Boston, Louisiana, New York if it has to be. Hell, I’ll even let Canadians come. Gawty dresses, feather costumes, no clothing at all. It doesn’t matter. Me and my posse will charge at the door, five dollars each. Bourbon and pipe tobacco flowing free through out the house.

If someone comes into stop us, we’ll woo them with our stories of wit and adventure until they too are partying with the rest of us.
“I must say, I was going to arrest everyone of you all, but I finally realized, there’s no other place like this on earth.”
And who knows. Maybe it would be true.

Too Cool To Dance

Posted in adventure, friends, interactions, Philadelphia, philly, pop culture with tags , , , , on March 11, 2008 by staticity


Shiny People

Posted in adventure, friends, interactions, Philadelphia, philly, relationships on January 24, 2008 by staticity

Jessica and I have been hanging out more these days. Today I met her in Queen Village at a place called The Red Hook. A coffee shop with large windows and a lot of light. We sat on a retro, green, sofa while we read a Philadelphia magazine and drank coffee. I complimented the woman behind the counter on her backless shirt. A kind of compliment that Jessica would have made. Smiling in a flirtatious way we held our shoulders back and walked fast toward Center City.

Chain smoking we made it to the Planned Parenthood building a few minutes too late. Closed. My shot at the morning after pill has been denied. I don’t think I’m pregnant, but now I’ll have to wait until I can take a test. These types of things always make me nervous.

Jessica told me little jess sent her a plane ticket for her 21st birthday out to LA so she could visit. She’s excited and wants to sit in at Little Jess’s work and watch the porn business spin into action. They’re going to a few clubs since she’s old enough now. I told her to make sure and take lots of pictures.

She said Shakti was very nervous when she came up. They were walking around on our block when two ghetto guys approached them and asked them if they wanted to go to a party. Shakti was scared, but Jessica handled it with ease. She’s good at standing tough in nervous situations. Nothing like that ever happens in Charlottesville. Shakti’s very pretentious. She likes to talk about fashionable poets from the 19th century and drink tea with perfect posture. She’s more conservative than she thinks. The city would eat her alive.

The glitter in her body is what attracts people. Jessica has it too. Something shiny and mysterious that comes out loud from their eyes. Sparkling so bright that people can see it from a mile away.  They talk about astrology, haunted houses, herbal tinctures and cultural mysteries that are half believable and half magic. They are very feminate in a loud presence. Tough victims. Shakti’s eyebrows curl upward in a ‘you’ve hurt me’ way that catches people into sympathy where as Jessica is more flirtatious. Swirling like smoke they trickle soft through people’s eyes.

I’ve been called the quiet mysterious type. I don’t talk loud and my words aren’t tough or interesting. Magic for me comes out too blunt and accidental. As if I’m stumbling through mistakes that seem to fall into place in unusual circumstances. I sit quietly, usually curled into my thoughts with rounded shoulders to protect me from something cold and expected.  You can’t see me a mile away and my dark clothes make me invisible. A hopeful invisibility that comes with imaginary justice. I pretend to glide through town in scarves and boots, hovering close to windows so I can people watch. Waiting to find those people that glitter over me so I can sit and stare in awe.

Today I was with the shiny. Our reflections bounced off one another and for a second, there were no accidental circumstances.