Archive for the insanity Category

The County Fair

Posted in insanity, interactions, life with tags , , , , on August 1, 2008 by staticity

This year the fair offers contests to amuse city dwellers and country cousins alike, from hot dog-eating competitions to husband-calling contests—-The Daily Progress

I’m not sure what a Husband Calling Contest is exactly, but it sounds like Virginia’s county fair has come to town again. If carnie’s and large women in tube tops are your thing, than bring all the funnel cake you can find and come on down for more.  The county fair made front page headline for Charlottesville’s newspaper, The Daily Progress.

Farming and living ‘off the fat of the land’ may be more of a thing of the past, however it is not extinct in the rural hollows and counties surrounding Albemarle. Many people still farm and abide by the small town living style. Some of the highlights of the fair this year consist of:

A ferris wheel

An educational talk about bees and their special spot in the food chain

Petting farm animals

Funnel Cake (of course)

Country music and Blue grass

Carnival booths

and family fun!

Do you remember the county fair when you were a kid? I’d love to hear of some memories from it, I always had lots of fun with my sisters and friends. If there’s not a lot to do where you live, a fair can be somewhat magical when the sun sets and the tilt-a-whirl is glowing neon.

miss greene county fair

miss greene county fair

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The colored houses

Posted in adventure, grunge, insanity, life, philly, Uncategorized with tags , , on July 17, 2008 by staticity

color was thrown around like an ecstatic lie to cover up the dark quiet that bleak situations bleed. Orange. Like careless finger paints splattered around on the floor. Purple silk scattered bathrobes tied tight to the morning. Yellow sun. Move just a little slower.

Late night hope still clings on to fun. A few pocket dollars and a rude hour. No one will see. Color drains. From the bath tub to their faces. The night still sucks sweet.

A jungle of houses depart from the ground. Lifting up, up, and away like a pigeon trying to fly. The stoop is still planted and the vertical apartment houses sway with the wind. Almost. Railings throw their arms up to the red city sky. Begging or praying for something above. Windows gasp and cough to breathe the fresh air. Hoagies. Stumped cigarettes. Plastic bags mistaken for tumble weeds.Everything keeps rolling in a  siren silence. Drifting down broken streets with thoughtful names.

The large woman across the street escapes from her children with white, wild, eyes. Laughing loud and shrill. Frantic and alone, but not for long. The moments can barely be counted when stray cats are the only company. Her hair strings out like wire on an electrocuted sound. She looks fast with darting eyes. Wider. Wider! Wild!

Traveling down empty power lines, every lonesome window can be heard. Howling. Crazy laughter from somewhere off in the distance. Houses roll by in a slow dilopidated depression far from the screaming children of fire orange and silk purple stuck in between a licourice mood.

mirror

Posted in adventure, insanity, life, philly with tags , , , on June 22, 2008 by staticity

I took this in the bathroom at a coffee house on thirteenth…thought it was interesting.

message in a bottle

Posted in adventure, insanity, interactions, life, Philadelphia, philly with tags , on June 13, 2008 by staticity

I am sitting at a computer cafe in Center City because….you guessed it. My computer has died. I plan on leaving this blog up so anyone who gets this computer next can see my wonderful tre’s interesting blog in hopes they will comment. It’s kind of like that message in a bottle thing when you find it, you slip your message inside.

The man across from me is only seen from the wrist down. He’s pouring himself  a diet coke into a mixed cup of ice. I’m wondering why people need ice in their soda. It’s cold enough when that cute guy with the blackish hair  pulls it out of the fridge.  Orange telephones rest on the computer’s neck. Why are they here? Emergency social cafe. That’s what this should be called. Just incase you NEED to call your friend to tell her that Madonna is in concert in Philly in NOVEMBER. I really want to go.

Mysteriously, a copy of South Philly News was scattered across my stoop this morning. I perused the newspaper in search of something interesting when I found a photograph taken of  a special ed class. I know this really shouldn’t be funny, especially since I WAS in special ed in high school. Just somehow, the goofy faces brought back fond (enough) memories. Next to it was a photograph of a few girls with balloons smiling under the headling ”raising money for fire in south philly row home.” One girl looked as if she was posing for Americas Next Top model. She stood half sideways in that curvacious way that women can pull off. She stood not smiling and staring deep into the photographer’s glare. Yes. This was a ‘smoking look.’ ho ho ho

 

9th day NA

Posted in adventure, facts, friends, grunge, insanity, interactions, Narcotics Anononymous, relationships, success, values with tags , , , on June 5, 2008 by staticity

Today is my tenth day clean. I hate today. There’s nothing more that I want to do right now than go down to 5th and washington.  but no.

Yesterday (9th day) I went to a different meeting in center city this time. There were a lot more younger people there and I felt like I could relate more to them.  A guy named Jack picked me up before the meeting and we got coffee at the old cafe steph/eric/I used to go to.  Jack lived in south philly his whole life. He used to live in the same area as I do. “Back when there was a baseball field and not a basketball court.” Apparently things were safer then than they are now. It surprised me. Everyone I’ve talked to in NA can identify with where I’m living in some way. Most of them say to think about moving because it’s a real hot spot. Needless to say- I don’t walk around at night.

Jack is one of those big Italian Catholic men who has the accent. He talks a lot, which I like in a funny sort of way. He’s charming in an honest way. He plays hockey and he was wearing his jersey to the meeting.  He told me to find my higher power and rest assure that this was not a cult. I could hear my mother’s voice in the back of my head saying “Rebecca, you’re not dumb. You can be kind of naive, just remember to stay away from all those cults.” I smiled, fading back into the leather of Jack’s big SUV.

The speaker was really good last night. A lot of times they get really animated and into what they are talking about. (Rightfully so) This one was a tour guide and had to put up with cranky old ladies. He was going over the sixth step which is something about ”personal defects”. I don’t like thinking about my shit qualities as defects. It makes me feel like some sort of robot that is supposed to be perfect and ”illiminate the defects.” or something like that. We all have shit qualities. We can tone them down, but they’re never going to disappear.

So far–I’m doing what I should be doing. I need to stay clean for about a month before I can start working on the 12 steps. I feel so ridiculous going to this stuff. Hugging. Talking about higher powers. Chanting prayers. It’s weird.

This morning I was so close to calling someone for dope. I got out my suboxone medicine instead. I don’t know if that’s good or not. Suboxone is to help get off heroin and I was prescribed to it by my doctor, but I had been on it for four days and decided to stop. The past couple of days have been nightmares though. I get these wicked cravings. My doctor said I should stay on it for two months, but I don’t want to get addicted to suboxone. What’s the point in that?

any suggestions?

Electric stars

Posted in insanity, life, philly on June 4, 2008 by staticity

The stars are losing their electricity. I notice it late at night when I look up from my courtyard or window and stare vacantly into the black sky. Dark grey with the prospect of morning. They are dimming fast until the inevitable day when they will completely turn off.

Earth is falling. It’s falling down into the black hole of infinity. We don’t realize it because the world is spinning too fast for us to feel the drop. Faster and faster every day until everything is so far away we can barely see life beyond our fingers. Our myspace. Our personal profile of oblivion.

I’m building a bridge to the moon. Enough shit about space shuttles, it’s time to indulge. I’m building it out of shiny tin foil so the stars will see it. Maybe if they think the bridge is a friend, they will help us find the moon easier. Everyone wants to be on the moon. Everyone.

Suboxone

Posted in insanity, life, philly with tags , , , on May 27, 2008 by staticity

I started Suboxone today at the doctor’s office. He gave me the first dose to watch and see if it kicked in as fast as it should. It did. Oh my God. I’m normal. I’M NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It kicked in after twenty minutes. My goosebumps disolved and the jimmies are gone. The twitching and joint aches are almost completely gone and the best part is, the cravings aren’t there!!! It’s crazy. I know there’s no such thing as a magic pill, but this comes pretty damn close. I know I can kick the habit for good now.

I don’t feel high. I don’t feel bad. I have a normal amount of energy and I can walk around with out a lot of pain! After the doctors office, I filled the script and decided to walk home in the bright sun of two p.m. I bought an apple for 89 cents at the rittenhouse market and talked on the phone to Mom. She is excited for me too! Nic and I are doing it together.

Currently he’s dancing to Michael Jackson with me. We are so cool. I totally thought I was going to feel like shit for the rest of my life. Like it was never going to get reversed. I was so scared I was going to take the medicine and it was going to be just like methadone and I wouldn’t be able to quit. Or worse, I would just realize that there wasn’t anything to live for, but I remember. I remember what it’s like to be sober and happy.

I’m doing good. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!