Archive for the relationships Category

the golden day

Posted in adventure, interactions, life, relationships, values with tags , , , , , , on November 7, 2008 by staticity

When I think back
On all the crap I learned in high school
It’s a wonder
I can think at all
And though my lack of edu—cation
Hasn’t hurt me none
I can read the writing on the wall

Kodachrome
They give us those nice bright colors
They give us the greens of summers
Makes you think all the world’s a sunny day, Oh yeah
I got a Nikon camera
I love to take a photograph
So mama don’t take my Kodachrome away”

Tonight was probably the best night of my life. When I was in high school I used to look at a slide projector in my math class and wonder if it was as bored and stuck as us students. Even now I’m convinced that objects in life have feelings.
This one guy used to come into my remedial math class late every day. He would slouch against the door way and say ‘Don’ be so mad misses. Y’know what happened to me?” He’d laugh and lean way back in a chair to tell us all a story. “Well, I’ll tell you, but you gotta swear not to tell nobody. ALright, well I was just ‘borrowing’ my sisters car keys this morning when I saw something funny from the window. I looked out and I swear to God, Swear it! I saw two men in dresses and football helmets just looting my neighbors house! I Couldn’t have none of that… I spent all my morning in a grand fight with those queens. Damn i never knew such good looking boys could fight!”
The teachers gave up on him. They eventually just enjoyed listening to his stories and the rest of us had someone to make us smile. No more slide projector feelings for us in math. That guy quit quit high school halfway through the year and no one saw him again.

When I quit, I wrote out my memories of that math class and all the people in it. There was the guy who played with puppets in the back row. The guy who didn’t speak english but knew the words ‘flower power.’ There was the girl with the earrings we all fit our fists into.
I hung the piece of writing on my wall and called it my introduction to life outside the box. it was my certificate of high school education until tonight.

Tonight was a celebration. Tonight was mexican food, margaritas, family.

Lady Like

Posted in interactions, life, relationships, values with tags , , , , , , , on September 25, 2008 by staticity

Things I’ve learned from the women in my family:

-White wine is for chicken, fish, and sometimes pork

-Cocktail hour is at six, sometimes five.

-Boston has cocktail hour all day long

-Bloody mary is for Sunday morning

-Ladies DO NOT smoke on the street

-Pick up a tea pot with your right hand and the tea cup with your left… always at the same time

-walk slowly into a room

-always sip tea, never gulp. First sip is for grattitude. Second sip is for taste. Third sip is for friendship, always leave just a little in the cup.

-shoulders must be balanced with elbows for good posture

-always wear a hat to the horse races

-Corsets ruin the figure

-Never confuse yellow diamonds with topaz

-Never talk about yourself on the first date

– silps are sexy, garters are not

– Men should always come to the door on a date, never ever honk.

Mormon Fundamentalists

Posted in life, relationships, values with tags , , , on July 27, 2008 by staticity

The Latter Day Saint movement is a group of Restorationist religious denominations and adherents who follow at least some of the teachings and revelations of Joseph Smith, Jr., publisher of the Book of Mormon in 1830.—wikipedia

Among several different kinds of practices, the one most speculated about would be The Mormon Fundamentalists.  One of the most common practices associated with Mormon Fundamentalism is ‘plural marriage’ meaning, polygny.  In some groups, it is acceptable for the men (sometimes much older) to marry a girl as young as thirteen.

A large majority of Mormon Fundamentalists have separated from most civilization to live in ‘sects.’  Rural areas are a common place for mormon fundamentalists to live considering it is away from publicity.

Warren Jeffs has been ”president of the priesthood” which made him the ‘ruler’ for Mormon Fundamentalist communities. He also has numerous arrests and convictions involving rape, and incest.

I thought this website was very interesting if you would like to learn more…. http://www.lds.org/institutes/home/0,8473,768-1-36-61714,00.html

been around the block

Posted in adventure, life, philly, relationships with tags , , , , , on July 9, 2008 by staticity

The block parties are still going on from yesterday. Police caution-tape sticks to both sides of our block as kids ride by on their bicycles and grandmothers listen to rap out on their stoop. The teenagers like to ride with their girlfriends on the handle bars of the bike as they speed through the dirty streets at night. It’s a large community of folks who have known each other for so long, if they’re not family, they might as well be.

Today we heard the crazy crack head next door might not be as crazy as we thought. For an entire year she has been knocking on our door, telling us there are people outside our courtyard during the night. We figured it was the crack. Matt came in to my room today however, and said he heard there really were people who would climb through our courtyard so they could have sex in ‘Miss Patty’s’ courtyard. Apparently the woman is cheating on her husband. A few nights ago I heard people near our courtyard (the courtyard is in back of my room) and son of a bitch, she might be right. So Matt rigged a boobie trap for the couple if they come trampling through our yard again, we’ll know.

Recently I bought the magazine ‘cosmo’ just for kicks. I was skimming through it in the shower with jess (that’s usually the time we can gossip) when I found myself more disappointed. Has Cosmo become tame or has it always been on the conservative side? It disguises itself with racy issues about ‘what men really want in bed’ and sex moves etc. but when you actually get right down to it, it’s mostly about how to please your man. How to do your hair the way most men like it. What kinds of food guys like. How to treat your guy like a king. How to be a good decorator. How to talk to his mom. Yada yada yada. I remember the thrills of reading it with katie in high school. We were among the few who had sex in 9th grade and that allowed us to go lingerie shopping and buy cosmo’s to read in public. Unfortunately, I’m starting to notice that the articles never change and the secrets that guys want in bed, is all the same. Which is sadly, nothing you can read in a magazine.

The Lonely American

Posted in interactions, life, relationships, values with tags , , , , , on June 7, 2008 by staticity

It is no secret that America seems to fail at marriage more than the rest of the world. What most people don’t know is why… so here’s my theory:
People from other countries have strong backgrounds. They incorperate family more than most American’s do. Marriage is a strong value as is family. Through their heritage and sometimes religion, stress is a high factor, but family usually remains in tact. It is not uncommon in South America to live with your family for most of your life.
Here, when a child reaches adulthood (usually eighteen or twenty one) they move out and when the parents become senior citizens and are unable to care for themselves they frequently go into nursing homes. Rarely will parents and children live together again.

Because America is considered the new world, Native Americans rarely exist anymore. The real native Americans are almost extinct. We are the mutts of this world. Everyone has come from a strong family in another place and somewhere along the way that family has broken apart and moved to America in hopes of a better life.
While America may be more prosperous than a lot of the world, the values are very different. When American’s think of success, most think of college, good jobs, money, material things, and perhaps a family or a working marriage. Since these things are more easily available to us, it seems like a shame to waste them and our goals revolve around what we can aspire to.

Family. Honesty. Trust. Responsibility. These successes usually get put on the back burner or traded in for stocks on Google. America has no family. The families we have are less strong and less in general. Our roots do not go back as far as those from other countries. America’s familiy sometimes falls more into the people we know at work or our friends. With out the strong background of family, we are often trying to grasp that ‘thing’ that we are missing from our life. We look for that void in other places.
Internet
Work
Casual flings that may bring us the butterflies of early romance
Parties

Americans cease to know who they are a lot of times. It’s not a wonder that our stock is not faithfully placed in marriage. Even though a lot of families do succeed (especially in the past) our heritage is shrinking generation by generation and our sight is growing farther and farther away from what is really important.

America is lonely and is it really any wonder why we have migrated to the internet as a source of familiar comfort? The computer is a way to look productive and hide behind the prospect of work while really connecting to other people through such sites as myspace or other social communities. Our need for acceptance spirals into teenage girls posing in underwear on profile pictures. Our need for love is hidden between the lines of less thoughtful letters turned into electronic mail. We are more and more lost between the advertisements and wants of media as we surf into our actual wants and needs.

Is High Speed really what we want? Do those commercials even make sense anymore? Who are we?

9th day NA

Posted in adventure, facts, friends, grunge, insanity, interactions, Narcotics Anononymous, relationships, success, values with tags , , , on June 5, 2008 by staticity

Today is my tenth day clean. I hate today. There’s nothing more that I want to do right now than go down to 5th and washington.  but no.

Yesterday (9th day) I went to a different meeting in center city this time. There were a lot more younger people there and I felt like I could relate more to them.  A guy named Jack picked me up before the meeting and we got coffee at the old cafe steph/eric/I used to go to.  Jack lived in south philly his whole life. He used to live in the same area as I do. “Back when there was a baseball field and not a basketball court.” Apparently things were safer then than they are now. It surprised me. Everyone I’ve talked to in NA can identify with where I’m living in some way. Most of them say to think about moving because it’s a real hot spot. Needless to say- I don’t walk around at night.

Jack is one of those big Italian Catholic men who has the accent. He talks a lot, which I like in a funny sort of way. He’s charming in an honest way. He plays hockey and he was wearing his jersey to the meeting.  He told me to find my higher power and rest assure that this was not a cult. I could hear my mother’s voice in the back of my head saying “Rebecca, you’re not dumb. You can be kind of naive, just remember to stay away from all those cults.” I smiled, fading back into the leather of Jack’s big SUV.

The speaker was really good last night. A lot of times they get really animated and into what they are talking about. (Rightfully so) This one was a tour guide and had to put up with cranky old ladies. He was going over the sixth step which is something about ”personal defects”. I don’t like thinking about my shit qualities as defects. It makes me feel like some sort of robot that is supposed to be perfect and ”illiminate the defects.” or something like that. We all have shit qualities. We can tone them down, but they’re never going to disappear.

So far–I’m doing what I should be doing. I need to stay clean for about a month before I can start working on the 12 steps. I feel so ridiculous going to this stuff. Hugging. Talking about higher powers. Chanting prayers. It’s weird.

This morning I was so close to calling someone for dope. I got out my suboxone medicine instead. I don’t know if that’s good or not. Suboxone is to help get off heroin and I was prescribed to it by my doctor, but I had been on it for four days and decided to stop. The past couple of days have been nightmares though. I get these wicked cravings. My doctor said I should stay on it for two months, but I don’t want to get addicted to suboxone. What’s the point in that?

any suggestions?

The Bathroom

Posted in adventure, grunge, interactions, life, philly, relationships with tags on May 23, 2008 by staticity

The basement was flooded with sewage. The toilet wouldn’t flush and the corner stores did not have public bathrooms. What was one to do? I waited for as long as I could, but when nature called there was nothing I could do. Peeing was not an option.

I walked next door to the woman who often sat on her stoop. She would joke with the neighbors and say hello to everyone that lived in our house.  I found her sitting on her stoop, drinking lemonade.

“My bathroom doesn’t work and I hate to ask you this, but do you think I could use yours?” I had only said hi to her a few times and she didn’t really know us. Her smile flashed broad and white as she nodded her head with a knowing smile.

“Of course honey, these old row houses always have plumbing problems.”

She led me through the front door of her identical looking house. The outside was a mirror to our house, but from inside it was a different world. The furniture was mostly broken and the floors were half way ripped up with un-finished wood pannels. A narrow stairwell led upstairs to the single bathroom.

“Just don’t flush, I have to jiggle the handle afterward.”

I didn’t know how to explain to her that this wasn’t going to be a pretty sight. The bathroom was a small room with only a bath tub and a small toilet with a metal chain attached to the handle.  I sat and looked out the window into the back courtyard.

“Thank you,” I said again as I left the house.

A few mintues later I saw the woman throwing my shit out her window. Her toilet didn’t work either apparently. She must have not wanted me to know that it was broken. How long had her pipes not been working? Her smile was big when I asked if I could use her bathroom, she never hinted that she had the same problems and maybe a similar money situation.  Through pride and manners, she never said a thing to me about it, not then, not ever. I am eternally grateful.

________

Dr. K called me the other day and reffered me to someone who is willing to prescribe me suboxone. I’m ecstatic. I called him today but the earliest time he has for an appointment is two weeks away. God give me strength.